"Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love."

" Mein ghanto aakash mein udti patango(Kites) ko dekh sakta tha ,unche aashman mein ,hawa ki lehron par nachtee , bayfikar. Kabhi pass aati , kabhi jagharti ,tho kabhi ek dusare se aisi lipat jati ki manno kabhi alag nahi hongi . Par woh bhool jati hai ki jab bhi do patange bahut deer tak ek saath udti hain ,tho aksar ek ko kat kar alag hona hi padhta hai .  "  Lines from Kites Movie


Rajat was retired seven years back and from that time , he went to his village at the ghats of Ganga . From past one year , he was all alone in that ancestral home and counting his days to meet his wife Neha in heaven or hell .

He woke up with the sounds of rain , thundering clouds and tidal waves of Ganges. It was 3:45am in the morning . Rajat tried hard to keep his eyes closed and going back in his dreams but just by turning sides didn't help . He woke up and started writing his diary. That thunderous rain suddenly took him in the abyss of his past moments. 

 It was his college days , rajat was riding his Yezdi Roadking on the road to home. The road was empty and silent and The sun had packed up its baggage and was leaving giving the control to the broken moon. In that diminishing light , rajat saw a girl from his college walking alone. Showing human gestures, rajat stopped the bike and offered a lift to that lady . Its been one year both were in one class and as both were quite introvert so they never had talked before. The girl gave a nasty look to rajat and refused as if he had passed some slanderous remark on that lady Rajat said "Its getting dark ma'am and its a lonely road, and don't worry I wont take any advantage of you being a lady , you can note down my bike number and send sms to your dad if you are so scared". Rajat was in humorous mood, but she was not. She angerly refused. Rajat thought why he was wasting time in bother him and her also but as his usual dialogues he said "tho theek hai , mar jaa dhoob kee phir . Mein jata hu". And he left.


Next day as usual rajat came to the class with one notebook and a pen. As he approached his desk in the class , he saw that lady sitting on the seat . He thought why creating any scene so he went to the empty benches few steps away . After the class, rajat went to canteen and was having his lunch when that lady came to his table and sat there. He decided to ignore her but she yelled at him "Kya keh raha tha kaal 'mar jaa dhoob kee' tameez naam ki cheez nahi hai , ek tho akeli ladki ko sham ke time pareshan karta hai aur uppar se aise bolta hai ". Rajat was silent and just looked his surroundings , everyone was looking at him. He picked up his plate , She again yelled "Kya hua , aap gighi baj gayi , kaal tho baada muh parh parh kar bol raha hai". He put his plate down and left the canteen. After that , rajat didn't face that lady for few days . 

Until one day , it was raining like cats and dogs, drunkards and dragons .Rajat loves the rain so he was riding his bike like a free bird flying under the vast sky. On his way , he saw again the same lady under a tree trying to protect herself from torrential rain. He spoke to himself "No no, not this time god ji" . He applied the breaks near the tree and said "aab chalo gi yaa bolu 'Mar jaa Dhoob kee' " . And then for next 33 years , everyday that lady sat behind rajat's bike until last year when Neha died due to a heart attack . 

" I want to fly
With you tonight
let me enjoy this moment
kites in the sky
soaring together
lover forever
forever is a lie "

Silence Prevails,
Aditya Deadpan

Colors of Darkness

Rajat was a mischievous kid and he was famous as the ** Most Notorious ** fellow in school and in locality. Reena was really feed off his puckish behavior. After every few days , he would come home with a note on his diary and teachers would have called Reena for his devilment. She was real tired of beating him with stick and he had also become resistant of that . Even stick would start crying on hitting his numb body . As Reena was his mother and mothers know all our fears so she knew that rajat was afraid of darkness. There was a room in their home , an old store room whom they had named as "Andheri Kothri" . Andheri kothri was always devoid of light, no electricity connection, no window or roshan daan and full of broken things , axes, or other gardening tools and all unusable oldies. One day Reena , out of rage , dragged Rajat into Andheri Kothri and closed the door . Initially Rajat tried to kept his cool and then he started crying .He begged pardon from Reena and promised of not doing any mistake again. Reena opened the door in few minutes as after all she was a mother.As said by Acharaya Rajneesh " Whenever a child is born, not only is the child born -- that is one part of it -- the mother is also born. Before that she was an ordinary woman; through the birth she becomes a mother.And a mother is totally different from a woman: a gap exists, her whole existence becomes qualitatively different. Before that she may have been a wife, a beloved, but suddenly that is no longer so important. A child is born, a new life has entered: she becomes a mother." 

     But the memories of andheri kothri and his promises soon faded out as rajat met his mates in school or outside home . He again and again did something or other and Reena also kept on putting him inside Andheri Kothri for few minutes to mend him. One day he hit a boy in school very badly and this time teachers insulted Reena in PTM (Parent teacher meet). Reena was very angry and so she decided to put Rajat in Andheri Kothri for some more time. Rajat initially started shouting , crying , promising . Suddenly someone knocked at the door, reena opened the door and it was their next door neighbor lady .She and Reena came to drawing room and started chatting . She also forgot that Rajat was in that dark room. After one hour or so when that neighbor went away , it was then reena realized that Rajat was in that room. She ran relentlessly and opened the door . But to surprise ,rajat was calm and was talking to someone and when he saw reena , he stopped talking. There was no fear in his eyes . Reena took it lightly. Next time when again she put him inside that room ,he didn't cried or shouted out. When she asked him whom he was talking with in the darkness , he said its his friend . Reena was afraid so she decided not to put him in the room again . 

But things started changing suddenly ,Rajat's complains started decreasing and he used to return from school in neat dress ,no cricket ,no disney hour ,no bad report cards and no more friends .One day reena went out for some work and told their maid to tell rajat to change his dress and give him lunch.  When she returned in the evening , she looked for rajat in the lawn , then his room, then called his friends but no clue. Out of the bloom after two hours of search , she just pulled the door of Andheri kotari and saw rajat was sleeping there in complete peace. She picked him and put him in the bed without much disturbance. Now She understood that rajat had learnt to have friendship with darkness . She locked the door of Andheri kothari but till today after 18 years of that last episode, whenever she has to find out Rajat , she knows that he must be in that Andheri Kothari . No one know with whom Rajat talks with , in that darkness and Reena never questioned him  for that .

“A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself.” Jim Morrison   

Silence Prevails,

Aditya Deadpan

Pregnant Silence

A journey started on the day of Maha shivratri to the periphery villages . Alone in the journey with a water bottle and two pack of cokkies and a coffee satchel. Rajat just wanted to put some colors into his life so he was on his mission to capture some colors from bucolic surroundings. Got down from the bus to an unknown stoppage , he started walking toward a hamlet in the outskirts . Rajat had to cross a lonely railway line . He sat on that railway track for sometime , trying to listen the voices of the spirits of those who had died on that track ;-). Walked off the tracks and reached the hamlet . Rajat was feeling tristy so knocked a home with a thatched roof. An old lady opened the door , grey-haired lady in her mid seventies , with straggling hairs and discolored teeth She looked feeble and harmless but she had an anger in her eyes against the GOD who made her poor . .Suddenly the train also rattled along the track. Rajat asked for water with the language of symbols and expressions . She gave a glass of water and rajat asked for some more to fill his empty bottle. The house was pretty empty with just one broken bed and few vessels . Looking at the spacious emptiness , lines of Jagjit singh's song started echoing in his head .

Kabhi Ansoo Kabhi Khushi Bechi

Hum Gariboo ne Bekasi bechi

Chand saasnein Kharidne ke liye

Roj thodi se zindagai bechi

 Had some rest and then starting climbing the hill, full of evergreen forests of the Nilgiri Range . The view was awesome as green trees , long throny and horny bushes and a huge lake at the bottom of the hill and sunny sun . Rajat kept his one eye on the view because we wanted to color his soul with the colors of nature and other on the narrow pathways. Now the Sun had also tried of being sunny so it starting going back into the woodlands and in between the curvature of hills ;-) . Rajat had some cookies and swallowed a spoon of coffee with some water. It tasted horrible but rajat had a habit of it . With a short nap under a tree and then started again climbing up . Now the sun had slept of and stars were twikling in the sky and he had still not left the hope of reaching to the top of the Hill. Suddenly Rajat saw a herd of jackels but they didn't hear any sounds from rajat side and he didn't want to take any unnecessory risks. So he slowly  climbed a tree and a decided to rest for the night there. With the first ray of the sun , he started toward his goal. At nearly afternoon, he reached the top of the hill and too his surprise , there was a temple and a small pond of water . Rajat drank the water without thinking of the hygiene factor and has some Imli to satisfy his hunger . An immense feeling of winning was running through his spine as if he had climbed Mount Everest but that feeling of prestine joy was amazing and has kept him alive till now .

Silence Prevails ,
Aditya Deadpan

The little things

This post is going to be different in two primary ways. One, you would not hear via my alter ego (precious Nina), yes! I'll speak :). Two, this post is going to be a happy one :D ( I know...Nivedita and positive :O , is she kidding ).Well, I thought lets give it a try, plus I feel positive since I am at sweet home :).

I would like all of you to try an exercise (don't worry, it ain't going to burn your carbs)- Close your eyes, think of the most vivid, happy memory that comes to your mind, which was NOT accompanied by any other thoughts of apprehensions/doubts/negativity or any kind. A thought of pure bliss, a state of pure happiness. Stay with this thought for a little bit, and then slowly come back to the real world.

Now, I don't know about you, but for me this exercise just took me back by a couple of minutes, when; seeing that my parents have retired to other rooms of the house; I switched off
the main power supply of the TV in the drawing room, switched off all the lights over there and came back to my room and sat down in front of my computer. After sometime, I heard my parents back in the drawing room, apparently my mom still wanted to watch something in the TV, seeing the power supplies turned off, she told my dad, " she has become very responsible and attentive to details, had left everything in proper condition before leaving the area.." . I heard from my room, a thoughtless, spontaneous smile trickled down my cheeks, all I could do was reply back "I have forgotten to switch off the mosquito repellent", mom told its okay as if to assure that no other person in the world could have done the deed better than me. This little happy incident was worth fighting for a year full of crappy stuff. This was the easiest and least hard-earned smiles.

You may think I am crazy, but it is these little things that make life bearable. And I assure you its all because of the people around us that we feel an extreme amount of gratitude for our stupid little lives.

Albert Einstein had said- "don't tie your life to a person, tie it to a goal"- but at some juncture of your life gets tied to a person (or several persons ). Goal to keep the promise of a deceased loved one, acting under the instructions of parents, to impress a special person, or just to live-up to a role model, in all ways we are tied to people.

This is very trite and old stuff, but the fact that I realized it makes it special ;-).

Feel free to share your memories through the exercise :)