Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don't even notice it.

Rajat along with a team of senior doctors was operating a patient for angioplasty. Preciseness, perseverance and engrossment are the key ingredients for such wearisome operations. Two doctors, one surgeon and few nurses looking at one body for couple of hours with each move so precise that it can kill someone and other will be sentenced to death.

                     In between this immersion activity, another nurse came into the operation theater and whispered something in Rajat's ear and handed him a telegram. Rajat put that telegram into the pocket and continue the operation. The Surgeon, Dr. Madhavan, queried rajat about anything serious. He calmly nodded his head and signaled with eyes that everything is ok. Red light on top of the Operation Theatre continued glowing for next two hours.

          Doctor’s team came out with smile on their faces and patient's relatives thanking them. Everyone was happy and in this event of happiness, Rajat was silent and he slipped from that hustle bustle to his room. Relaxing on this revolving chair, looking at his eyelids with eyes closed. Some memories flashed into his mind and he was floating into that.

           Dr.Madhavan , a young and an ardent man, entered Rajat's room. Rajat was somewhat sleeping with his dreams on. Dr.Madhavan tapped on his shoulder to break the silence. Rajat turned toward him and asked him to have a seat. Dr.Madhavan asked him about the telegram. During those days, telegram used to the only communication mechanism for urgent news, so Dr.Madhavan knew that was something serious and urgent. Rajat with a grim smile told Dr "My father had a heart attack two days back". Dr.Madhavan was dumb struck with the news but he was unable to see any kind stiffness on Rajat's visage.  In fact Rajat was just in some other thoughts and was relaxing. Dr.Madhavan asked him about the reason of his calmness in such a adverse time. Rajat replied: Can I tell you a story.

“In Africa there is a concept known as Ubuntu – the profound sense that we are human only through the humanity of others; that if we are to accomplish anything in this world it will in equal measure be due to the work and achievements of others. The journey of a small boy in this world started when one sad day once we woke up and couldn’t find his mother kiss on his forehead. Everyone told him that mommy had gone to God ji. For the first time in the past 7 years he celebrated his birthday with mommy. Father was an industrialist so was always busy in his official stuff. Most of the time this kid used to spend his time with ‘Jacky’, their pet Shepherd dog. He has completed his 2nd standard with just passing marks and silent talks.  As soon as his dad came back from his official tour and saw his report card, he decided not to scold him but to put him in a boarding school. This boy was taken to Don Bosco Boarding school, one of the best boarding schools of the region. Dev-dutt was their warden , a very strict but loving warden. Initial days of the boy were difficult, he became insomniac, weak because he used to skip meals, reclusive as he didn’t like to interact with people. Dev-dutt was noticing all this change but just giving him the time to recover. One day when the boy was watching his seniors playing basketball, dev-dutt went and sat next to him on the bench. He asked him to join them but the boy declined. Then he took him on a walk to the nearby garden.
                       He told the boy a story: In a distant land there lived a wizard. He poured a drug that induced madness, into the town well. The people drank it and began to go about as they pleased, in a totally crazy way. When the king tried to bring about laws to control them, they told him to leave the throne. So the king decided to abdicate. The queen, though, counseled otherwise.’ oh king, don’t give up your throne. Come, let us also drink from the same well’ .And as soon as they drank, they became like everyone else. The problem was over .  

                    The boy was looking at Dev-dutt’s face as the story finished. It was already evening. Both started walking toward the hostel with no words exchanged. On that night, the boy ate his normal diet and went to sleep. After that, the boy became an integral part of the school. Known among his classmates as a jolly person who makes everyone laugh and who was friend of everyone. And Dev-Dutt was his best friend. Every day the boy used to write some poem or couplet or haiku and he & dev-dutt used to sit under the shade of old banyan tree, analyzing the lines and feeling between the lines. As soon as the boy’s results used to be on the notice board, devc-dutt used to visit the local sweet shop. It was nothing that the boy was a topper; he was in bourgeois strata of the intellectual world. With each goal the boy hitting in the goal-post, Dev-dutt claps & hollering used to fill the college football ground. In this whole evolution of the boy, his dad never visited him but keeps on filling his account with money and keeps sending him costly gifts. When the boy was in 10th standard, boy’s dad came on the last parent meet and told him that he should start preparing for management studies from now as he would be the one running the industrial empire created by his father .The boy didn’t answer anything. It was the winters of 1981 and the last winter’s of the boy in the campus, that Dev-dutt fall sick. No one knew what the disease was but it started restricting dev-dutt from going out. He turned very weak. School authorizes, in order to save money on his medical expenses, gave him an indefinite leave. Dev-dutt took his luggage and said the last good bye to his students and went to his village. The boy asked him about his village but he didn’t gave any details and lived a life incognito. Just one day before rajat had to leave the boarding schools forever; the boy got a letter with a Dev-dutt’s neighbor stating his death and a copy of the last corrected poem. The boy reached home with darkness surrounding him. For next two years, he joined some regress training for his management exam along with his studies. But just the day before the Management entrance exam, the boy decided not to give that but instead he appeared in medical entrance and somehow got qualified it also. His dad never talked with him afterwards for making such a nasty decision. But the boy always wanted to know the reasons for his warden’s death. It was his warden who was with him when he was crying after less marks, who was sitting next to him when he fall sick in hostel, who took him to hospital when he met with an accident in Rugby field, who was laughing at his poems, who was teaching him how to shave for the first time, who gave him tips on flirting with girls of the opposite college. In all those years, for the boy, his father had just deposited the money into his account”.


“ That boy is me , Dr.Madhavan. And I have already issued a cheque of 2 lacs for my dad’s service. Reminded me of the following lines  :

इस  काली  ठंडी  आग  को  वापस  कर  रहा  हूँ  मैं…..

और  इसी के  साथ  लौटा  रहा  हूँ,  ये  सफेद  मिट्टी,  ये  गतिहीन  पानी,  ये  बहरी  हवा  और  ये  अथाह  आकाश,  जो  गूंगा  है…..

यूँ  तो  मैं  जानता  हूँ  ईश्वर,  की  तुम  जानते  थे  की  एक  दिन,  मैं  ये  सब  कुछ  इसी  तरह  तुम्हें  वापस  कर  दूँगा. ”
Dr. Madhavan left the office and was thoughts were spinning in his head. He was today only discussing with his wife of putting their eight years son in the boarding school.

Silence Prevails,
Aditya Deadpan
P.S : Above one is a true story and Dr Madhavan’s wife only told me this. Only I have written it in my words.  And the story of the wizard was from Paulo Coelho's Blog.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love

Rajat was roaming with a gun hanging on his shoulder and doing his patrolling duty. He had been appointed as a patrolling officer to look after the newly constructed railway line in Baramula Dist of Srinagar. Before this he was guiding artillery and they had some inquiry on the recent encounters in which few civilians also died. Till the inquiry was complete, he had been appointed away from civilian sphere.

Rajat had two officers along with him to take care of this line. It was lunch time and Rajat was not feeling like having anything, so he requested the other officers to leave. While he was walking along the line, he saw a girl, hardly of seven eight years, coming near the track. He yelled at her to halt but she didn’t listen it. She was walking as if she had lost her senses. Being in army for years, rajat had seen many lady suicide bomber or female militants so he ran toward her. Reaching near her, he shouted again to stop, but no impact. Then the horn of the train broke the silence and rajat looked back. A train was approaching and the girl was also walking toward the track. Confused in mind, rajat had to take off his gun from shoulder and then shouted at the girl to stop. After three warnings and just few steps distance between the track and the girl, rajat pulled the trigger.

She woke up in an army hospital with her leg covered with bandages and her hands with drips of blood and glucose. She saw an army officer sitting on a chair near her bed and a nurse looking at some monitors and noting some something. Seeing that she had regained the consciousness, rajat stood up from his chair and introduced him. But she seemed numb. Rajat asked the nurse that if someone from the patient’s family had contacted the hospital administration yet. The nurse nodded her head to say no. Rajat appointed a guard and gave instructions to the nurse to take care of her till her family members contact hospital administration. Every day during lunch break rajat used to come and also spent his after office hours sitting on a chair next to her bed. Everyday rajat asked that lady about her family but she didn’t speak at all. Everyday rajat used to tell her several stories, sometimes fairy tales and sometimes his encounters with protestors. She never had any reaction on any story, not even a single expression.

                      Doctor called rajat and told him that she was fine now and she should be discharged from hospital. Upon asking the doctor where to keep her as nobody knew her family. The doctor suggested an orphanage near the hospital. Rajat was no agreement to put her in an orphanage but he left with no option. He talked with CO’s (commandant officer) family about the girl while having dinner with them. The CO’s wife didn’t have any kids and it’s been eleven years of their marriage. Upon listening about the girl, they showed interest in adopting the girl. Rajat was happy because he wanted that girl to be in safe hands. Next day after discharging from hospital, rajat took her to court where they filled legal papers for adoption. The girl reached her new home where her new mother was waiting for her.

                      Everyday rajat used to come after office hours to his CO’s place to meet that girl and tell her stories. One day when he and she were sitting in lawn, she uttered her first time. She pointed toward the Moon and asked him “How coward is this moon and the numerous stars, they come after Sun goes behind those mountains and as soon as Sun comes up, they hide themselves. Why are they afraid of Sun, they don’t know ‘Union is strength’. Why don’t they stand and face the Sun”. It was the most difficult complicated problem he had ever faced in his life. He didn’t have any answers for that. He smiled back at her and kissed her forehead and told her to give him some time for his answer. After that that girl started interacting with her new family and became a part of them. Rajat also gave her the answer of her question in an official language. His commandant officer had night duty for sometime and rajat had morning patrolling. So he told that girl as her dad and he had a deal in their duty timings , then Sun and the moon had their own. So this act of mutual compromise between Sun and stars doesn’t make anyone coward or anyone stronger. Girl agreed with the answers.

                            It’s been three years, an official inquiry on civilian encounter came up with the results and rajat & his fellow colleagues were not found guilty due to lack to evidence & witnesses. All came out of the court with a cheerful face, other than rajat. He was silent and walking alone out of the court. He started his bullet and started driving toward Avantipura . Avantipura was the village where they had that encounter three years in which seven militants had annexed a house and Rajat along with his team stormed in the house and killed all the seven militants along with three family members, a middle aged guy, his wife and their son. Rajat reached the place where encounter took place. He went inside that home. Someone else had started living in that place. Upon asking about previous owners, the new residents replied that in army encounter all the four members of the family died. Rajat was perplexed with the fact they had mistakenly killed three members, who killed the fourth member. He asked for the family picture. He looked at the picture and asked for some water. He saw that girl whom he saved from the track three years back in the picture. He left that place and reached his CO’s place.

                      The girl had gone to school; he waited for her in the lawn. Co’s wife told him several times to wait inside the drawing room but he resisted. The girl came from the school and seeing him sitting in the lawn, she ran toward him and hugged him tightly. Both came inside and had lunch. Commandant Officer congratulated him for not being released from the enquiry. Upon listening this news, the girl demanded for chocolate to celebrate. Rajat tried to put smile on his face and gave some money to his guard to buy chocolates for her. Again the girl and Rajat went to the lawn. Rajat saw a rope hanging from a tree. He asked he what this rope was for. The girl humorously answered “for hanging the criminals” and then told that it was for the swing which they would make for her. After sometime chatting with her, rajat stood up, hugged her and kissed her on forehead and said “What hangs people …..  is the unfortunate circumstance of guilt” and left the place.

                       He reached at the same place where he had shot that girl. He parked his bullet and started walking toward the track. He saw the train coming from the other end and it kept blowing its horn.

Silence Prevails,

Aditya Deadpan

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Dirt cleans off a lot easier than blood

Rajat worked hard for the day so as to deliver his deliverable on time. But with the diminishing light, his mind also needed rest. Rajat closed his eyes and relaxed on his office chair. Weariness overcame him and he slept off. The fatigue made him sleep without any moment for next six hours. Woke up in the midnight, and he looked at the computer. He woke up and it was midnight .Because he was hungry, so he looked around to find something to chew. Being dysphoric as he couldn’t find anything, he was returning to his desk when he saw a chocolate on his desk. Without looking for who kept it, he just opened it and ate that. Once he got some calories, he wondered who kept it but couldn’t find anyone. He filled his water bottle with warm water and sat on his chair. Looked at his code and the clock and prayed god to increase the dimensions of time something like one second becomes one hour and he would get time to finish his project.

                                Before started coding and testing, rajat opened his facebook account. He saw one unread message. Expecting a message from his friend ‘Tannu’, the only girl friend he had. He opened the message. It was from someone unknown person whose id, it was not showing. Rajat read the message. Rajat read and reread the content of the message ‘How was the chocolate? Why you didn’t wake up when I called you before your cab-time? Why do you think I should change the dimension of time for you? Don’t you think say if I change it, it will have severe unforeseen repercussions like say a kid waiting for his mother to feed, will die with hunger; a mother was about to deliver a baby in next couple of hours has to undergo several days of pain due to that; an old widow mother waiting for only son to come after war, has her wait extended and several other cases. If you still think it’s ok, do reply to this message ‘. Rajat checked his mobile, it had several miscalls but the number was not coming on the display. Rajat was flummoxed at the content of the mail. He didn’t reply to the message and closed his FB account and started working.
                                   Worked for another couple of hours, he stood up to stretch his legs and walked toward washroom. He washed his face and pee’ed off. Turned back, he looked at the glass in the washroom. It looked very dirty or some stains of blood. Rajat tried to clean them but was bedazed when he touched the mirror. Mirror was semi-solid or in plasma like. He again touched it but this time it struck with his hand like a jelly. Rajat touched more and found it viscous and succulent. Rajat felt some electric shock and with a jerk he fell unconscious on the ground. When he regained his eyes, he saw huge squirrels around him. Rajat tried to touch one small squirrel baby but it looks sticky. These squirrels were from planet ogo and rajat had been kidnapped by aliens. He was then lying silent and incapacitated. With the growing cancer of silence, rajat’s mind started echoing the verses of the song “The sound of silence”
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

 Then a huge squirrel came, much bigger than a giant mammoth, and pricked Rajat. Rajat shouted and all the squirrels shouted. Rajat yelled “What do you want from me, leave me alone” and all reverted with the same words. Rajat was a bit confused and afraid also as he had listened bad stories about aliens like they cauterize people or drink the blood. He again shouted and all followed him. Rajat looked at the mammoth squirrel, it plugged some hollow pipe inside rajat’s body and a fluid started flowing into his body. Rajat removed the pipe and all looked at him with an awful sight. Rajat found these squirrels needed this fluid for nourishment and they were just giving him the same thinking that he was one of them. Rajat didn’t know what to do as he understood that they didn’t know his language, they were like a child who imitates the words and culture propagated by his parents.      
        Since rajat didn’t have anything to fill his stomach, so he fainted there. Upon regaining his conscious, rajat found himself on the ice slab and with various effulgent pipes which were pumping some kind of fluid into his body. Rajat protested against it but all in vain. He surrendered. Woke up and looked around. He found himself free from cables and pipes. He was sitting on his office chair and everyone was gazing at him. He was unable to recollect anything. Then, his manager told him that he had eaten something psychedelic which had caused this all. He was in this state from past 10 hours.
        Rajat thought it was with those biscuits which he had eaten yesterday and then left for home to take rest. He took some sleeping pills to ease his troubled mind and played Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit song”

And you've just had some kind of mushroom,
And your mind is moving low.
When logic, and proportion, Have fallen sloppy dead.
And the white knight is talking backwards,
And the red queen's off with her head.
Remember what the door mouse said, "Feed your head!"
Feed your head! 

Somehow while turning back, rajat felt some difficulty. Upon removing the shirt, rajat found the marks & scars; he smiled and closed his eyes. 

Silence Prevails,
Aditya Deadpan
Stigmata : As per the dictionary , Stigmata means marks resembling the wounds on the crucified body of Christ. In the past many people have experienced this phenomenon. Psychologists consider this as a form of psychosis in which people make marks and then forget them. Some kind of Split personality funda.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Nights of light so soon become Wild and free, I could feel the sun.

Yaak , what a bad taste ? what is this ? why am not able to open my eyes ? what is this vicious material i am in ? looks like someone has kidnapped me and put me in a bag ? why am i not able to shout ? Is it a dream ? Is something else ? Is this hell ? Am i dead ? Did i have overdose of cocaine which in turns has caused the excess of Dopamine , which is causing hallucinations ? Am i crazy ?

These were the questions floating in rajat's mind . He resisted the compactness and tried to stretch his legs . As he tried to stretch his legs and arms , he heard some lady's giggling sound. He thought he had been kidnapped by a group of ladies and  in this cosmopolitan world , may be they would make him a male stripteases . All kind of wired thoughts started coming in his boggled mind . But then he realized that it was lady talking to herself and laughing  at herself. " Voodoo " was the first thought flashed in rajat's mind . He thought that the lady whose voice and laugh piercing his ear drums was a voodoo expert . So kept quite and tried to squeeze himself in that tight bag. Slept and then woke up . As it was so dark and with the voodoo tricks that lady had closed rajat's eyes and mouth , so he had no options than just stretching his legs in and out. Each time he do so , the lady laughed . Then he felt someone's hands on top of the bag in which he was packed . He tried to resist it but he was dumped so well and the viscous semi-liquid surround made his movements difficult. But the touch had a different sensation of its own , it was so enigmatic that he fall asleep . Woke up after a long duration with some bad dream with trembling body. He found that lady was still soothing his body . He was unable to understand about the intentions of the voodoo lady. Then he tried to concentrate the words being uttered by that lady . Rajat realized that it was a rebirth and he was landed in that lady's womb. Things were clearer for him about the noises, the viscous material , the touch and the lady *the mother*. She was speaking to him all the time when he thought of voodoo effect or about the ugly cosmopolitan world . He was happy to start off the life from the scratch . From then he started listening and conversing with his mother .

Mother : Good morning betu. You know today you are four months . I am waiting for you eagerly .I have not told your daddy yet. He is in US and is working as a software engineer there . He will be coming to bangalore in two months .

Rajat : No problem mommy . So what do he do and how does he look like . Does he  as sweet as you ? Does his touch will be enigmatic as your's ?  Yesterday i heard the voice your best friend . She was not happy with me in your life naa. She felt avoided as you spend most of the time with me .

Mother : Naa, she was just mad at something else , she will be the one who will be loving the most . She is my best friend , but not as good as you :-) . Let me tell you two words "I love you".

Rajat : Cheating , these are three words .

Mother : How come you & me are separate , now tell me are these two or three words .

Rajat : Bestow your mommy.

After few days

Mommy : Today i looked up the internet for your names . How is rajat anyways ?

Rajat : I heard somewhere "Sometimes, you want to just slap people. Then you remember, karma hits twice as hard." , and now i know the verity of it .          

Mommy : Yesterday , your daddy called . He confirmed that he would be here in next month . But he might be going back for sometime after one year. May be we both will go with him .

Rajat : You will be with me naa , so why do i need to worry whether we stay here or anywhere .

Mommy : Today i am going to the doctor for checkup .

Rajat : Aaha , in last life i was an engineer , so this time i think i will try be a doctor . Let me see today how doctors look like and how they talk and what they do .


Dad's arrived after a long wait of mommy

Something was wrong with dad. He yelled at mommy , scolded her and let her cry. Rajat was  angry but helpless to do anything.

Its been two days , mother continued crying and didnt love rajat. He was getting envy as he started thinking : why she is crying for a man who doesnt care for her tears ?

 His mother's avoiding rajat was making him furious . He kicked , tried to yell but useless.

After few day

Mother : I am sorry i was busy with something so couldnt talk to you . Your dady was angry that i spend more time with you than him . so i was trying to cope up.

Rajat : Mommy, your tears were truthful than your words . Tell me what happened ? Is it because of me ? I have a pretty bad history . So might be dady came to know about me .

Mommy : Papa will be taking us along with him to US.

Rajat : I dont give a damn. I dont like that man . He made you cry . Dont he know that a man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born & raised in the arms of a queen.

Mommy : ok, sleep , your dady is coming.

Dady came and again he fought with mommy . Actually he wanted to take mommy with him in US , but he didnt want to become a father this early . He tried to convinced mommy of something which Rajat didnt understand . But rajat was sure that it must be something bad as mother left the conversation and went to washroom . Cried and cried with shower on.

Rajat was thinking how unfortunate he was as before his birth only , problems between his parents started. But he was very happy that his mommy love him too much.

Mommy tried to avoid rajat and mommy dady were having good time. They went to good restaurants and Rajat heard melodious piano for the first time . Rajat was happy that things were getting fixed.


Rajat was now eight months .

Today mommy touched him with lots of love.

Mommy (in tears) : You are eight months now . I love you very much.

Rajat : I also love you very much. Now i like dady also because he didnt make you cry now. I am waiting to meet you and cuddle in your lappy mommy.

Mommy : We will go to the doctor today and we will see you.

Rajat : Can i see you mommy ?


Doctor's clinic

Mommy (to rajat's dad) :  Where are we going ? The doctor's clinic is not on this road.

Dady : Dont worry . I took the appointment from some other doctor.

When they reached the clinic , rajat got scared looking at the doctor's clinic . It was full of scissors, long injections and some bottles which contain some fluid with lumps of flesh . But Rajat had full faith on his loving mother so no fear.

After ultrasound , they gave anesthesia to mommy and took her to operation room . Rajat understood the meaning of hell . In scientific terms , its known as  "Partial-Birth Abortion". 

Just FYI , some info about Partial-Birth Abortion :

32 weeks: The fetus sleeps 90-95% of the day, and sometimes experiences REM sleep, an indication of dreaming.

Partial-Birth Abortion

Five steps to a partial birth abortion:
  1. Partial Birth Abortion (click for larger image)Guided by ultrasound, the abortionist grabs the baby's legs with forceps.
  2. The baby's leg is pulled out into the birth canal. 
  3. The abortionist delivers the baby's entire body, except for the head.
  4. Partial Birth Abortion (click for larger image)The abortionist jams scissors into the baby's skull. The scissors are then opened to enlarge the skull.
  5. The scissors are removed and a suction catheter is inserted. The child's brains are sucked out, causing the skull to collapse. The dead baby is then removed.

NOTE : This story is an inspired one, not fully written by me.

Silence Prevails,
Aditya Deadpan
Rajat willl never become an engineer nor the doctor in his next several lives.